Back When Dangerous Toys Were Safe
July 10th 2007 by Dr.MOZ in Dangerous Toys, Healthy Kids, Recalls
Dear Dr.MOZ,
It seems like I hear about a potential choking hazard, tainted food warning, lead scare, and new toy recall every day. Doesn’t it seem like a lot more flawed toys and dangerous foods are making it to the market compared to when we were kids?
Regards,
Bonnie
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Hi Bonnie,
I hate to be the one to shatter your image of the good old days when “toys were toys”, but we were exposed to far more dangerous foods and toys than today’s generation. Our safety standards certainly aren’t bullet-proof yet, but let’s take a trip back to the good old days to see just how safe our toys really were…(dreamy harp music here)…
Original Tonka Dump Trucks
Whether you are riding in the back of one from your driveway into oncoming traffic or hurling it at your older brother during a bitter wiffle ball dispute, the original steel Tonka dump trucks did the job. Also known to younger siblings as “the equalizer”, these childhood favorites were a yellow mass of sharp, rusty steel. The new models are made of safe molded plastic, but they just don’t have that same tetanus-appeal that they once had if you ask me.
The Everlasting Gobstopper (Size Large)
Before spending our daily candy money, each potential investment had to meet these three requirements (1) good taste (2) low price (3) last a long time. The size large Gobstoppers met all three requirements with flying colors, but it almost appeared that Willy Wonka modeled the dimensions after a child’s windpipe…and then made them just a tad bit bigger. As you may have guessed, the large Gobstoppers were considered too dangerous and were slowly replaced with smaller bite-sized versions.
Stretch Armstrong
We all loved Stretch Armstrong and his other stretchy friends, but they certainly were involved in a suspicious number of neighborhood injuries. The ooze that eventually came out of Stretch when punctured was a little suspicious as well, but the manufacturer Kenner (also responsible for the Easy-Bake oven) assured everyone that the liquid was a simple corn syrup. “Don’t worry mom, I’ll probably stop puking. It’s just corn syrup!”
Easy-Bake Oven
Chances are good that your Easy-Bake oven looked just like this one. Equipped with scorching bulbs imported from the burning depths of hell, each Easy-Bake was lovingly passed down from generation to generation to ensure that everyone in the family had the same second-degree burn on their “oven hand”.
Klackers, (aka Clackers)
Who knows why we loved these death balls so much as kids, but we really did! Simply move your hands up and down until you chipped a tooth or you were able to generate an obnoxious clacking sound when the balls crashed into each other. I’m not sure why our parents allowed us to have these, but I think it is safe to say that the Klacker designer hated kids.
Slip’N Slide
Also known as the Slip’N Bleed, children were encouraged to run as fast as they could towards the wet rubber strip where they then would dive head first until they were (a) immediately stopped by a shard of rock/limb/toy/litter waiting under the slide, or (b) hurled at amazing speeds towards the fence/wall/car/road that awaited ahead, or (c) finished with a great ride and repeated the cycle until “a” or “b” inevitably occurred.
Evel Knievel Stunt Bike
The original Evel Knievel stunt bikes were solid steel with real rubber tires and if memory serves, had an extreme prejudice against cats and pottery. Newer versions made of lighter plastic are now available, but something tells me that this less dangerous version didn’t get Evel’s “dislocated thumbs up” like the original product did.
BB Guns, any of them
Chance are, you really won’t shoot your eye out with a BB gun. Your neighbor’s eye maybe, but not your own.
Vintage Barbie Dolls
Sure, you liked to pretend that the grease coming from the vintage Barbie was just proof that she was tired and sweaty from a long day of trying on clothing. In reality, grandma’s Barbie was oozing polyvinyl chloride (PVC). Fun!
Let me know if I missed any others in the comments section below. I’m looking forward to seeing your favorite dangerous toys. Thanks for taking the trip down memory lane with me Bonnie!
Have fun and stay healthy,
Dr.MOZ
July 10th, 2007 at 1:03 pm
What a trip down memory lane!
A great list of toys, most of which I actually never had. If you think we had it rough growing up in the 70′s/80′s, ask YOUR parents what they did for fun. When you get stories that deal with REAL firearms, vehicles with no seatbelts and everything painted in LEAD PAINT, then you can think “how did the human race survive”
July 10th, 2007 at 5:59 pm
Hi Steve,
I was known to shoot at Vintage Barbie dolls with my BB gun while sitting in my Tonka truck with a Gobstopper in my mouth, so I’m shocked to hear that you didn’t have any of these toys!
I’d ask to speak to your parents about your lack of toys as a child, but it sounds like I should leave them alone now that you mention the firearms and exposure to lead paint. Something tells me that a moose should stay clear of any gun owner that a lot of exposure to lead as a child.
Best,
Dr.MOZ
July 11th, 2007 at 1:22 pm
I’m going to have to agree with the doc. Between my sibling and I, we probably dodged more near death toy related experiences per day with the toys mentioned than Evel Knievel did in his dare devil stunts in a lifetime. All it took was a fascination with a screw driver or some slightly destructive tendencies that are inherent in all kids and it got even more interesting. The game Operation and the ankle killer “pogo ball” are just a few of my personal favorites. After shooting my brother’s BB gun once and it’s “kick” knocking my scrawny body into the deck railing, I stayed away. That was our version of the “warning/caution label”.
December 22nd, 2008 at 3:39 pm
This article is brilliant! Thanks so much!