Dads and Doulas
June 9th 2008 by Dr.MOZ in Doulas, Fatherhood
Dear Dr.MOZ,
My wife and I are interested in having a doula or midwife, but I was wondering…what’s a father’s role during delivery with doulas present? Thank you for considering my question Dr.MOZ, and for the doula directory that I used today!
Thanks,
Will
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Hello Will,
That’s a fantastic question that many expecting fathers have when searching for a doula or a midwife. We have a huge community of doulas, midwives, and birth educators behind the doula directory, so I’ve invited them to drop by the blog and post an answer to your question. Drop by again in the next 24 hours and I’m sure that some of those listed in our directory will have posted answers to your question.
Thanks again for sending your “Dear Dr.MOZ” letter Will, and congratulations with the baby news!
Have fun and stay healthy,
Dr.MOZ
June 9th, 2008 at 8:01 pm
Hiring a birth doula to support a couple in no way replaces dad in the birthing room. A partners place at the birth is to love and support his wife. Having a doula allows dad to focus on connecting with his wife and not having to worry about anything else. A doula can help educate the couple on what to expect. She can physically and emotionally support the mom through the process of labor. She can reassure and answer any questions dad has. She can make suggestions to dad on ways he can support his wife. After the birth a doula can help support mom in beginning breastfeeding and make sure that the family gets settled in.
June 9th, 2008 at 8:14 pm
as a doula, i encourage the patents to find out how involved the father/ partner wants to be, and go from there. i will usually take a back seat and just suggest things to the father, re-heat rice packs for counter pressure, help set the environment with low lights, aromatherapy, and music which alot of dads forget to do:) and encourage the partner to get as involved as possible. i also help the fathers to worry LESS, and keep things low stress which reflects back to the mama:) all in all i LOVE to watch the Bonding that goes on during a labor and i don’t interupt that!
i have however had partners who are not as confident in their abilities, and maybe alittle afraid of birth. i let the couple decide how involved the partner is and i help fill in any spaces.
June 9th, 2008 at 8:19 pm
Many Dads ask that very same question. Fathers may sometimes feel that their role is in someway diminished when a Doula has been hired for the needed comfort measures that are continually provided for his partner throughout the labor !
Nothing can be further from the truth. In fact, my experience as a Doula with over 170 births, finds that a father who expresses a desire to provide support for his partner, is very much a welcomed part of the birthing mother’s support team! The experienced Doula assists the Dad in providing that which is necessary for his partner’s comfort.
June 10th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
I tell my Dads (in childbirth prep classes and at births) that they are the “secret weapon” in the whole process of the birth and are absolutely the most important person in the room during mama’s labor. My role is in quietly guiding, moving, gentle verbal coaching, massaging, offering suggestions, supporting the process and answering questions. I know that if dad is relaxed, unafraid and guided in ways that he can help the mama, the birth will move forward with one less impediment. (A dad who is fearful will slow and complicate labor). Since a man doesn’t have a subjective way of knowing how it must feel to be in labor, I think it is the Doula’s role to offer a sense of normalcy so dads will feel confident and unafraid. It is then that their supportive love can shine through and that is what helps mama move quickly and easily through her process. It is the truest fact about birth that “What gets the baby in is what gets the baby out”… that’s ‘LOVE’ folks and it is what dad brings to the birth process… He loves her and the baby and just saying that he loves her helps her to relax and open. Doulas! …… get out of the way and let the loving connection that formed the baby in the first place help to bring the baby out. Help dad to get rest and food so that he is ready and able to meet and bond with his baby in the first few hours and days after the birth. Dad should go skin to skin with baby as soon after the birth as possible. Studies show that when this happens, dads become much more involved in the care of the baby. Dads rock!!! Happy Father’s Day!
June 10th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
Will-
Every dad-to-be should be asking that question—as it is a great one! I believe that the role of a Doula is to help you be the best you can be during the birth of your baby. A doula supports BOTH mom and dad and helps the birth environment to be loving, safe, respected and informative when questions come up. I am a Doula who is also a labor nurse and my Dads tell me that they felt more comfortable participating in the process and felt more confident in helping the mom during the labor/birth because I was there to guide them- (as well as help mom!). Doula are your friends- they only want the best for your family- they want your birth to be very memorable. So I encourage you and your wife to meet with a few Doula and then chose one who is “on the same page” with your desires. They are statiscally proven to to lower a moms C-sections rate, epidural/pain med use as well as lower use of interventions during birth— so you can’t lose!! Best of luck and Happy Fathers Day !!!
Warmest regards-Leslie
June 10th, 2008 at 10:18 pm
Dear Will:
The father’s role in the birth is the same with or without a doula present. He can be as involved as his comfort level will allow, and mom will still need him by her side to help and encourage her through the entire process. The presence of a doula will simply make his job less stressful, and more enjoyable. She will be there to answer questions, provide assistance and suggestions for comfort measures, and to give dad periodic breaks if he needs them. Before I became a doula, I wanted one to be present at the birth of our first child. My husband was not so sure about the idea, but wanted to help alleviate my stress, so he reluctantly agreed. Looking back, he feels that having her there was so beneficial to us both that at this point he says he would never want to do it without one. We have had her at all five of our births. A doula is great labor support for both mom and dad, and is there to assist in any way that she can during the birth process, but certainly not to take the place of the father. I hope this helps you.
Sincerely,
Amy Bauer CD (DONA), Childbirth Educator
June 11th, 2008 at 10:40 am
Our first birth was at a local birth center. We had prepared with the Bradley Method. My husband was all ready to coach me the way he was taught but realized all I wanted to do was lay my head on his shoulder and hang like a monkey while pushing. He could neither sit nor stand without me snapping in irritation. We both wished we could have afforded a doula who which would have freed him up to coach me while the doula worked her expertise on me for comfort measures and pain coping techniques.
The next pregnancy we were expecting twins. This time we did not have the option of a birth center since multiple births are not allowed at birth centers here in california. I searched for five months for a compassionate doctor who would allow a natural birth. The doctor was great but the hospital routines were torturous! They fought my labor for three days because, I was two weeks early which for twins is pretty darn amazing! My doctor had to chew them out for that. I then proceeded to rebel against the monitoring equipment and the nurse by getting on all fours everytime she left. Each time she came back to reprimand me I lost more energy. My husband was clueless as to what to do. We both ached to have a doula who would intercede for us and help me conserve my energy by voicing my concerns for me to the nurse. She would have also encouraged my husband to perform certain relaxing techniques and comfort measures the whole time. I know how much we would have benefitted even more so now because I am now a doula.
June 11th, 2008 at 10:45 am
My wife is a Doula,
Believe me, men have no idea about birth, what a woman goes through, etc. Having a Doula there will add someone in the room who can provide empathy and support that a man just can’t provide.
I remember when my wife was giving birth I held her hand and said everything was going to be alright, see shot me daggers with her eyes. The doula pretty much did and said the same thing 60 seconds later and my wife was all relief and smiles. Nothing to take personal as that is just the way of the world
You are the father, you were the other half that helped create this new being, your importance is set in stone, believe me, having some there to help and give support is a blessing and takes nothing away from the experience.
June 11th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
Interesting read.. I had not even heard the term “Doula” until reading this blog post.. It’s always nice to learn something new.
June 12th, 2008 at 8:37 am
Thank you for the original post and for the replies. I did not give birth yet, but I am highly concerned about the question, because in our community the father is usually not present during the labor. Thank you for the stories and opinions.
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August 23rd, 2008 at 1:42 pm
Thanks! This’ll help my sister… she’s gonna be getting her doula license sometime soon here. I’ll pass it on. Thanks!